Tony let her out of the room the next morning. He gave her a ladder and a small box and made her take the pictures off the wall herself. He put all the furniture, and the even the toys back in her room while she did it.
Cait felt the tears welling up again, but she refused to cry. And she made herself look at the pictures as she put them in the box. Tony tried to help her, and she’d messed up. She couldn’t afford to do that again. So, she decided the next time the blue moon came, she’d hurt the bad people and only the bad people. She wasn’t just a devil if she did, she was a protector too. She was faoladh. Right? Right.
When she was done, Tony made her breakfast in silence. Then he left the cabin and she stayed there by herself all day. She didn’t feel like playing. She just held Lilly’s rabbit and stared out the window. Sometimes the bad memories came, and made her tremble, and made her feel like she wanted to cry, but she pushed that down.
She had to get over it, just like Tony said. She had to get strong.
The next morning he came into the kitchen to find her already awake, eating a bowl of cereal. Tony smiled and got her a juice cup to go. The next day was one of their most productive training sessions. And so it continued for another month. Slowly she opened up again, slowly she’d crack a smile, ask him to tell her a joke, but mostly she stayed to herself, and trained hard.
He gave her three months of routine before he dropped another bomb on her world.
“Are you ready to kill bad people now, Cait?”
She was sitting in her room, playing with the rabbit Lilly had given her. “Is another blue moon coming?”
“Not for a while. But I need to know you can do this now, before you loose control again. And this will help you get use to it. Besides…” He came into the room and squatted down in front of her. “I’m going to teach you it doesn’t have to be messy. And sometimes they don’t scream.”
“They don’t?”
“Nope. No more blood on your hands. No more screams in your ears. Not if you don’t want them.”
“I don’t want them.”
“I know you don’t. We leave in an hour.” He ruffled her hair.
That night he told her to wear what she liked. They drove for a long time, but eventually they pulled up to a carnival. There were bright lights, and lots of people.
“What are we doing here?”
“No reason you can’t have a little fun on the job too. C’mon.” Tony smiled at her, and got out of the car. For the first hour, he let her get a soda, and cotton candy, and even ride a few of the rides.
Then he lead her over to a bench, and they sat down. She munched on her candy and people watched for a while. Finally, he nudged her.
“You see that man over there?” Tony pointed.
Standing across the way, a tall man was standing slightly away from the crowd talking on a cell phone.
“Yeah?”
Tony reached into her pocket, handing her what looked like a pen. “Walk up to him, jab him once in the leg with this, press the top button as you do.”
Cait blinked. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Is it going too… is he going to die?”
“Yup.”
“Will he scream?”
“No kiddo. He’s not going to make a peep. Trust me.”
She hesitated.
“He’s a bad man, Cait.”
“He is?”
“He is. Right now, he’s on the phone talking to another bad man, planning on hurting people. You’re a protector Cait. You’ve got to protect people from him.”
Cait swallowed hard. After a moment she nodded. “Okay.”
She took the pen like device from Tony and offered him her cotton candy. He shook his head with a smile. “Take it with you. It’s a great cover. You remember how we talked about blending in?”
“Yeah.”
“Go get ‘im, my little killer.”
Cait hopped off the bench. She took another bite of candy, and walked forward, weaving through the crowd. It was a carnival. There were kids all around her, yelling, talking, having a great time. No one paid her any attention.
Neither did the man. Cait took a deep breath, and with a trembling hand walked right up to the man, jabbed the pen into his leg, pressing the button, just like Tony said.
“What the-” The man stopped in the middle of his sentence, looking down at her. “What the hell kid?”
“Sorry.” was all Cait said quietly, tears forming in her eyes.
“Whatever. Just get lost will you?”
“You shouldn’t be a bad man.”
“Excuse me?”
“If you weren’t a bad man, I wouldn’t have had to do that.” Cait explained, and really it was more for herself.
“Kid I don’t know-” He stopped talking. His brow creased. He suddenly clutched at his chest. He opened his mouth to say something else to her, but instead he started stumbling backwards.
Tony was suddenly at Cait’s side, taking her hand. “There you are sweetheart. Let’s go.” Cait watched the two men lock eyes. The man she’d just…. She’d just killed pointed at Tony, but he still couldn’t speak. Instead he fell over.
Tony smirked and turned around, walking casually away with Cait. “See? I told you. He didn’t make a sound did he?”
“No. He didn’t.” Cait paused. “I didn’t get any blood on my hands.”
“Oh, kiddo. There’s still blood on your hands. That never goes away. But sometimes you can’t see the blood. Isn’t that nice?”
Cait was silent for a long time. She looked over her shoulder, but she could no longer see the man. There was a crowd around him. She looked back up at Tony.
“Tony?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to kill bad people. Is there another way?”
Tony paused, kneeling down in front of her. “Cait, I’m going to ask you a hard question. I want you to tell me the truth. Are you ready?”
She nodded.
“Are you sure there isn’t some small part of you, that likes killing people? Don’t answer immediately I want you to really think about it. Think about that night. Think about what just happened. I think if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t mind killing people not really. You’re not in that convent anymore, Cait. Right and wrong isn’t so black and white out here. People die. That’s the way of it. Sometimes you’re going to make them die. And you know what? You don’t have to beat yourself up over it. If they didn’t want to die, they should have gotten better.” He winked at her.
Cait starred at him, but didn’t say anything. Tony stood back up, taking her hand and led her back to the car, humming.
Cait threw the cotton candy away and got in the car, silent the whole time back to the cabin. The truth was, Tony was right. There was a small part of her that liked what she’d done to those seven people. That liked what she’d just done to that man.
Mark my words, if you let it live she will be nothing but a killer.
Mother Superior was right. That made Cait sad. Cuz, really, she wasn’t sure it mattered that a larger part of her did not like it. Not at all. It felt bad. But Tony was right too. She was a killer now and she couldn’t do anything about that. At least he didn’t scream.
“Hey Tony?”
“Hmm?”
“Can we make the cookies when we get home?”
Tony smiled. “Anything for my little killer.”
Cait gave him a tiny smile back.
_________________________________________________
It went on like this, for eight years. Her almost daily training sessions got harder and more intense the older she got. They never took her to school and for a long time she didn’t get to play with other kids. Tony would always give her books to read though, not fiction. Books on archeology, on history, on ancient and mystical artifacts, sometimes even on jewelry making. He taught her how to speak Spanish, Russian, and later some Japanese.
She was 11 by the time the next Blue Moon came.
Tony gave her orders to kill two more people before that Blue Moon. The second time, Cait was nine. She’d stabbed a woman in a bathroom. When she was ten, she hid in a couple’s car and when they pulled into their garage, she put a silencer to the back of both their heads and pulled the trigger.
When she was 11, when the next Blue Moon came, Tony sent her to a bar that was closed down for the night. A group of men were having a meeting in the backroom. He told her to take care of them all.
She did.
When she was 12, Tony changed her world again. He sent her to live with a family and gave her a cover story. She was their foster. It was a nice gay couple, two dads, Mark and Anton, and their three children. When Cait asked Tony why she was going to live with them, he told her he wanted her to learn about families. About what made them tick. He told her to study everything about them, and to make sure she paid particular attention to Anton, who always worked late.
Cait liked living with that family, though she never told Tony that. She got to go to school. She didn’t make a lot of friends, but she had some. And the three kids, two girls and a boy were usually nice to her, and she liked them well enough. Cait didn’t know what normal felt like, but maybe this would have been it. If she hadn’t always been watching them, like Tony told her to do.
It took Cait six months to learn that Anton would stay late so he could kiss a man that was not his husband. Tony had her get pictures. She was 13 when Tony told her to kill him.
“Wait. Why?”
“Because I told you too, Cait.”
“But… he’s been nice to me.”
“And? He’s a fucking liar, Cait. You know he is.”
Cait sighed. “That doesn’t mean he should die.”
“You don’t get to decide that. You do what I tell you, or I break our deal. Would you rather he died, or I told him, and Mark and all your little friends about the people you’ve killed? You finally ready to go to jail?”
Cait closed her eyes. “I’ll take care of it.”
“I know you will. Make it look like natural. Good news for you. No mess, and no screaming.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you sleepin?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“That’s my little killer. I’ll see you soon. I’ve missed you Cait.”
Cait paused. “Miss you too, Tony.”
“We’ll be back to our lessons in no time. Bye kid.”
The next day, Anton took his morning coffee and kissed his husband, his kids and even Cait goodbye.
He had a heart attack in his car.
A social worker came and got Cait before the funeral, citing that her birth parents had been found. Everyone cried when she left, even while still mourning their dad and husband.
One the way back to Tony’s, she sat in the backseat of the car and cried. The first time she’d cried after killing someone in a long time.
When the social worker dropped her off at the cabin, Tony hugged her.
“Welcome back, my little killer. You did such a great job.”
They made cookies in the kitchen that night. The next day she resumed her training and language lessons.
Over the next two years, Cait sunk deeper and deeper into a depression. But Tony didn’t send her to kill anyone. Instead she go with him places, and when someone got out of line, she’d rough them up a little. Even young she was stronger than most humans, even the men, and Tony taught her how to fight real good.
Cait never admit it to him, but the fighting she didn’t mind so much.
When she was fifteen, he started sending her to jobs by herself. She’d collect certain things, suitcases usually, and if they didn’t give them to her, she make them. It only sucked once, when she walked into a family owned restaurant and a little old lady begged her not to take the case.
Cait had gone in the back alley to phone Tony.
“She said she doesn’t have all of it.”
“She’s lyin, Cait.”
“What if she’s tellin the truth? Look is it money? Take my money. You’ve given me enough, I don’t need it.”
“Cait.”
“What.”
“Do you know anything about this woman?”
Cait paused. “No. But don’t feed some bullshit she’s a bad person-”
“Do you think people who get involved with people like us are good people, Cait?”
People like us. Cait closed her eyes.
“Get my fucking suitcase. That’s an order.”
Cait gripped the phone tighter. “Or what.”
“Excuse me?”
Cait went silent, gritting her teeth.
“You keep spittin in my face kid, and I’ll stop caring what happens to you. There’s no statute of limitations on murder. Get the fuckin suitcase, or don’t come back here.”
Click.
Cait growled, a pure wolf sound. She shoved the phone into her jacket and walked back into the bar.
“Look, my hands are tied I-”
Suddenly the old lady wasn’t tear filled and desperate anymore. Quicker than Cait would have called, with an cold look in her eyes, the old lady pulled out a gun and fired off a few shots. Cait barely managed to dodge them in time.
She didn’t kill the old lady, but she beat the shit out of her. She left with the suitcase, a bloody but slowly bleeding arm, and a darker outlook than before.
Cait sunk deeper into her depression.
At night, she’d cut herself, watching her own blood drip, watching the wound heal up. She’d do it over, and over again. Sometimes she heard screams while she did it. Sometimes she heard the gurgle. The pops. The distinct sound a body makes when it hits the floor.
When she was sixteen another blue moon came. Tony was particularly excited about this one. Something he’d been waiting for. Something big.
They spent six months prepping for the job. She was to infiltrate a compound. There would be too many guards for even her were-devil to take out alone. They had schematics, keycards, and guard movement. She would get herself to the bunker underneath. She would only have to control herself that long. Once she got to the target a few of her guards would be there. She would kill them all, saite the devil inside of her, then get herself out.
The last week, they trained hard. That last week Tony reminded her how good she was at this. That after this job, she could take a nice break and do whatever she wanted. Tony told her how proud he was of her. And Cait hated to admit it, but a small broken part of her liked it when Tony was proud.
It went down without a hitch. At first. Only one guard wasn’t were he was suppose to be and Cait snapped his neck, caught his body and threw it in a bush. When she got down to the bunker, the door had barely slid open before she shape shifted into a bright red wolf, with hell in her eyes, and cold white fangs. Cait tore through that room with a vicious fury, leaving only the echo of gun fire and screams. When there was silence, when they were all dead, she shifted back into a human, breathing hard, licking the blood from her lips. She was still agitated, rilled, but she didn’t feel so out of control.
“Help.”
Her eyes jerked around.
“Help me.”
Cait searched the room, until she found a secret lever, hidden in a bookcase. When she opened it up, there was a little boy inside. Maybe seven or eight. He was dirty and tied up. Shock struck Cait’s features.
“What the fuck.”
“Can I go home?”
“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Did that woman kidnap you?”
“I just wanna go home.”
“Okay… okay… uh…” Cait looked around, frantically. She looked at her watch. She didn’t have a lot of time. Without another thought she cut loose the kids binds, and picked him up. “Don’t look. Close your eyes. You gotta do everything I say if you wanna get out of here, okay?”
“Okay.” He was scared. Exhausted. But he did what she told him.
Getting out was harder with the kid. She was forced to take out a few more guards. But she was only one minute late, when she jumped into the back of the van.
Tony looked shocked, then furious, but he didn’t say anything at first, just speed off as the alarms sounded behind them.
When they got back to the cabin, all hell broke loose.
“What the fuck are you doing Cait?”
“Stay here.” She said to the boy, and got out of the van. Tony followed her. “We have to help him, Tony.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious! He’s just a kid. You’ve got to get him home to his parents.”
“He’s not part of this plan. He was part of another plan.”
Cait blinked at him, her hands welled into fists at her sides. “I’ve done everything you asked me and more. I’m not goin to let this kid get hurt.”
“You don’t get to decid-”
“Fuck you, Tony! I do get to decide. I’m taking that kid home, whether you like it or not.”
She turned around, marching back to the van. Tony followed her. She heard him pull out a gun. He cocked it. He was going towards the van doors. Fear slammed into Cait, hotter than her agitation.
“Tony stop! Tony what are you doing!”
“The kid is suppose to be dead, Cait.”
“What?”
“You were suppose to kill EVERYONE in that room!”
“You said it was woman and her guards!”
“I said everyone in that goddamn room!” Tony roared and flung open the back of the van door, pointing his gun at the boy.
“Tony no!” Cait charged at him, shoulder checking him to the side. “I’m not doing this anymore!” She screamed. “I’m not your little killer, I’m not your anything and you’re not going to make me hurt a child! I’m done!”
“You think you get to decide that? You’re NEVER done, Cait. Don’t you fucking get it? Never! Do you want to go to jail? Do you want-”
“I don’t care! I don’t fuckin care anymore! I’ll go to jail. I’ll fuckin die. I can’t…” Tears threatened to cloud her vision, her emotion so sharp, so raw it almost cut out her voice. “… I can’t do this anymore.” She came at Tony again, planting her hands in his chest, shoving him hard. “I am not a killer!”
Fury nearly transformed Tony’s face. He came at her with a speed she didn’t know he had, wrapping his hand around her throat. Tight. Too tight. “You listen to me, you little bitch. You’re going to be whatever I want you to be. Whatever we need you to be.”
He smacked her, hard, with the back of the gun and threw her to the ground. Cait cried out in pain. For a moment her vision swam, blood leaking out of her nose. It touched her upper lip. She licked it, a hellfire burning her eyes that she raised to Tony’s back. With a low, menacing growl she shifted, a snarling red wolf that lunged at his back.
He turned, gun pointed at her but she was faster. Her jaws caught his hand, no child like accident. But the growl Tony made was in-human too. His eyes went black. He punched her in the side of the head, hard, again and again until she let go of his hand. Cait shook her head once. She lunged at him again. She tackled him to the ground, trying to get at his throat, and they rolled around in the dirt, her claws and snapping teeth, his furious fists. She chomped on his arm, but his strength was inhuman, and his opposite fist pummeled her sides, until she was forced to let go again. He flung her backwards, hard, her body hitting a tree. She yelped and collapsed into the dirt. She’d have to do this a different way. She transformed back into a human and spit blood.
“Run. Kid, run!” She ran at Tony again. Cait tried. She threw all her might at him, executed every move he’d taught her, years and years of fighting and training. But she was only 16, and even with that blue moon in the sky, he was better, stronger. He pummeled her into the ground, a knee on her and forced her to stay there, her ears ringing, her vision swimming.
He got off her, as the swell of car lights illuminated them. Cait tried to get up, but couldn’t force her limbs to move. Doors opened and people got out, most in suits. Some woman grabbed the boy, dragging him kicking and screaming to the car. Cait reached out, wheezing in a breath, struggling to move, trying to scream out no, but Tony looked down at her, smirked and with a solid kick, she saw only darkness.
When Cait woke up she wasn’t in the cabin. This room was cold, sterile. It wasn’t a jail cell, not in the traditional sense, but it certainly felt like one. The worst of the wounds from her fight with Tony were healed. She was a little sore, but not by much. Slowly Cait sat up, looking around the room. There was a table. Two chairs. A bathroom. A sink. This bed. A security camera in the corner.
Cait sighed and simply dropped back onto the bed, wondering what happened to that poor kid. Realizing she probably knew, and the thought made her sick to her stomach. Cait closed her eyes, a tear leaking down her cheek.
Whatever. She was done. This or death. She didn’t care anymore.
Cait didn’t know how long they kept her waiting, she wasn’t bothering to keep track of time. But eventually, a beautiful woman in a very expensive suit came in, with two cups of coffee. She sat down at the table, setting one of the cups closet to Cait.
“Hi. I’m Samantha. You can call me, Sam. It’s nice to meet you in person, Cait.”
“Fuck off.”
Sam chuckled. “Yeah. I’d feel that way if I was in your position too.”
“Sam is it? I don’t want to hear your bullshit. I don’t want your fuckin coffee. I don’t want anythin from you. I’m done. Kill me. Arrest me. Leave me here. Whatever.”
Sam crossed her legs, folding her arms over them, hands clasped together. She studied Cait in silence. “What if I told you that Tony was out of line. That we, that I, would have never handled you like that.”
Cait laughed, a bitter sound. “That right?”
“Cait. Tony was right, you are special to us. You always have been. But I think what your real talents are have been wasted.” Sam paused. “No bullshit. What if our deal remains in tact? No jail, no death, nothing so dramatic. And what if you never have to kill anyone or beat up anyone for us, ever again.”
Cait was silent for a long time. Finally she sat up. “What happened to the boy? Did you kill him?”
Sam was silent for a moment before she answered. “Yes.”
“Did you really think I would kill him? That I was so fucked up, I could kill a kid?”
“Tony did.”
“Fuck him.”
“I don’t disagree.”
“Why did you kill that boy?”
“Two birds one stone. The woman you killed we needed out of the way. The boy was the son of someone we warned not to cross us.” Sam shrugged. “They didn’t listen.” She paused. “I don’t think you’re a killer, Cait.”
Cait stood up from the bed, crossing her arms over herself, giving her small space a pace. Her bottom lip between her teeth. “This is so fucked up.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” Sam canted her head. “What if I gave you a chance at a real life? Outside of that shitty cabin. A real life,” Sam emphasized. “No more Tony. No more of his bullshit. Your orders would be different and they would usually come from me.”
“I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“You don’t want to kill anyone anymore, Cait. You don’t want to hurt anyone. I get that. I want that for you. But you don’t have to go rot in a jail cell. That serves no one. That robs you of the potential of your life, one you’ve never gotten to decide. I want to let you make that choice.”
Cait closed her eyes for a moment. Finally she looked back at Samantha. “Why am I so special to you people?”
“Part Faoladh. Part Devil. It’s unique. It’s almost unheard of. But more than that, you are smart Cait. You have strength, and attitude. You are not a “yes man” you’re too good for that. You are not, Tony. You are better than him and frankly half the idiots we have in this organization. And that’s the truth. Someone like you, needs to be challenged and nurtured, not taken advantage of.”
Cait rolled her eyes, even though inside it felt good, to hear someone like Sam tell her these things about herself. Cait dropped down into the chair, but didn’t reach for the coffee yet. “You’re really laying it on thick.”
Sam smiled. “Is it working?”
Cait was silent a moment. They could have killed her. Many times over. Maybe they did need her for something. “What are you sellin?”
“Freedom. With the best job in between.”
“What job?”
“Cait, I think you’re going to love being a thief.”
Cait laughed. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Cait chewed her lower lip, staring at Sam in silence. “No more killin?”
“Not ever. And there’s more than one way to control yourself on a blue moon. Ways Tony didn’t tell you about. Say yes, we’ll walk out of here and I’ll tell you about it.”
Cait hesitated. Finally she reached out and took the coffee cup. “You just want me to steal stuff?”
Sam grinned. “You’re going to love it.”
Cait shrugged and sipped the coffee. They had asked her to do, much worse. She might as well try this out for size. She well and truly had nothing to loose.
“Fine. Tell me everything.”
Sam wasn’t wrong. Cait did love stealing. For a while. Until two people came along that she loved a lot more.